My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
