I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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