I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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