last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How's work?
Spinning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
