Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
