i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
