He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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