Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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