there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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