maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
