im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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