Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
