We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
