Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
