if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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