i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont even know how to be here
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
