he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
