I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
