Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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