it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
