i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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