I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
