she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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