This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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