just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
