Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
