Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
