So drunk, too bad you don't want this
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
