someone threw a dead crab at me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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