I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lo siento on account of my penis...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
