I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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