you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
