idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
