One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
