No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
