He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
