Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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