my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
