they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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