Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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