you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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