3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
