I'm passing your future prison.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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