Four minutes until I can fart!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
