once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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