just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
