you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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