He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
