I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
