if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just gargled with NyQuil
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.