Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
