Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
