why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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