then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
