At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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