Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
