Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
