We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
