Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's get the cat blown out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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