Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
