I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
