Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
