then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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