I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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