I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
