Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
