$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
