My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
