Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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