Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
