I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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