I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
