Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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