i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
