Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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