I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
