I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
